Whether you have lost a spouse, a parent, even a child it brings forth emotions that are unimaginable. Read more for stories from other people that may have gone through a similar experience.
I am 38 and already a Widow?
2.5 years ago I lost my husband. Who knew that at 36 I would be a widow with a 2 year old. It had been a very long road of dealing with alcohol and depression. He had been through rehab twice, didn't complete the second facility and had a massive family that supported him and wanted for him to get better. But I don't think he wanted it. I am still not sure why but his demons were fierce and they took over. My late husband was incredibly smart. It blew me away at how much he knew. I honestly think this was part of his problem. Anyways, the day I found him, after he took his life, my life of course changed. In that moment, the questions and feelings that flooded me were insane! What do I do? Where do I go? Did he have any bills that needed to be paid? A funeral? I have to plan a funeral? I have to go to work tomorrow – I need to call my boss! The questions were endless and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed was more than I felt I could deal with. BUT I had my son, I needed to keep it together for him. In the week that followed I felt that I could get through it, I was strong, my son needed me, but when I look back at that time…..wow! I was a mess! I went back to work after the funeral, I felt that I needed to get back to a routine, boy was that a bad decision. Again, at the time, I thought I was fine. When I look back, I was no where close to being fine. I really should have a taken some time to grieve, whatever that means. But here I am now, almost 2.5 years later and I feel stronger than I have ever felt. Am I over what happened? Absolutely not, I don’t think anyone gets over something like that. But I have learned so much about myself and I have taken the time to talk and to grieve. If you have lost someone, my biggest take away from this experience is to talk, let it out, especially to someone who has been through a similar situation. It made a world of a difference for me.
My heart began to break in early 2006 when my husband was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer and at that moment, I knew our lives would never be the same again. The crack slowly widened over the next year as I watched my husband’s life fade away, my daughters’ lives turned upside down and our family as we knew it slowly crumble, the whole while the pain in my chest growing ever more excruciating. When my husband passed away on July 3rd, 2007, my heart finally broke wide open, leaving a gaping hole filled with nothing but pain. I finally understood what it meant to have a “broken heart”.
As agonizing as this experience was it was after, when everyone had gone back to their lives and I was left alone, that I found just as difficult. The long, sleepless nights, solitary Saturday evenings and my big, cold bed were the worst. I tried a self-help group at a local community centre but found it overwhelming. I know that if H2H had been available to me then, it would have been the perfect resource. It would have helped so much to be able to connect with people one-on-on who were going through the same thing.